How to Rediscover Yourself After Motherhood
Did you lose yourself, somewhere on the way to becoming a mom and starting a family? According to a recent study found in Parent Magazine over 40% of moms feel overwhelmed and depressed after having a baby.
You guys!!! Almost half of women feel down after motherhood. Having children is a life-changing event and it is normal to feel different after this huge change.
Since this is a real issue for women, including myself, it is best to take steps to help improve your mental health after becoming a mother.
Having a child is life-changing for the better. Yet, oftentimes, the “old” you gets left behind and as that happens we become “somebody’s mother” instead of having our own identity.
To many, this can feel defeating and depressing. Oftentimes, change is hard to cope with as our brain pushes us back to longing for our “old selves” and the freedom we had before having children. (If you don’t have kids yet, never take your free time for granted!!)
Yes, the human brain is designed to create fear in response to change. It was a defense mechanism back in the caveman days to protect us, yet now it is not quite as useful.
And when we go through a major life change, our brain is naturally going to resist. That can, at times, manifest as anxiety, depression, loneliness, or fear. It is okay to have these feelings as a mom. Don’t let them scare you. But also, do not let them overtake your emotional well-being.
So if you are feeling differently after becoming a mother and are feeling somewhat down about it, here are some questions you can ask yourself, to move forward.
You will never be the “old you” again because you are now a mother. A glorious, messy, wonderful new version of yourself. Yet, you can still find joy in your old hobbies and let your magnificent personality sparkle again even after having your first, second, or any number baby!
5 Questions to Ask Yourself, If You are Trying to Rediscover Yourself After Becoming a Mom:
Take some time to reflect on the questions below. You can journal and/or brainstorm each question to help you regain some of your old “self-worth.”
Who Am I?
You may not be the old party girl, free-bird, spontaneous soul you once were, but you still have a personality that can shine through brightly. Take some time to really reflect on this question.
Do you know yourself? Of course, you know yourself, but are you allowing the “real” you to shine through or just costing on autopilot through the day?
If you are having a hard time answering this question, you may want to spend some time journaling and reflecting on the following and answer these questions to get to the bottom of “Who am I?”.
- What are my hobbies?
- What are my beliefs?
- What brings me joy?
- What are my stressors?
- What are my good qualities?
- What do I need to work on?
- What do I mean to friends or family?
- How do I feel about becoming a mom?
After answering these questions, then the main question of “Who am I?” will not be so difficult.
You can find your true meaning and true purpose. At the moment, your purpose may be wearing the “mom hat”, but you can add to this with some of your favorite hobbies, volunteering for your favorite causes, making time with friends/family, eliminating stressors, and finding things that bring you joy.
There is absolutely no reason you can’t be “mom” and also be the whole-hearted version of yourself again.
Who Do I Want to Be?
Once you start your road to self-discovery, it is hard to turn back. You can think about what you want to be in the future. What does the future “you” look like?
I believe in moving forward each and every day. If you feel stuck, using these questions will help you find your true authentic you.
You can learn to be the best version of yourself.
Progress equals happiness and you can continue on your journey of self-discovery, but setting goals for yourself and writing down steps to help you achieve your goals.
Here is a free PDF to get you started:
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Why Do I Feel So Lost Some Days?
If you are a new mom, you may feel lost. Having a child that depends on you for everything, but does not come with an instruction manual, can leave you feeling lost and confused.
You may be asking yourself if you are doing the right things and questioning your parenting.
Also, having children can bring up what psychologists call “ghost in the nursery” where you remember or relive some of your own suppressed childhood traumas.
All of this can definitely leave one feeling lost and hopeless.
New mothers are often surging with hormones that can make them feel blue or even cause post-Partum depression.
These are things you should consult with your doctor about and he/she can recommend the right treatment for you. (There is no shame in getting help.)
Yet, if you feel lost, you can find ways to help feel more confident on your new life path.
Try to find some things you can do to help you recall your favorite parts of life and share them with your child.
Mine was art. We were painting, coloring, drawing, and molding almost every day when my kids were younger. And they both still love art to this day.
It is nice when you can rekindle your old passions and set a spark in your children as well.
Try to get out of the house every day and take the baby/toddler for a walk.
I found this to be one of the best things for my mood and loneliness as a new mom. I live in Michigan so when it was cold, I would walk the mall (of course this was before the pandemic.)
Pin me for later:
Fall In Love With Yourself Again As a Mom?
After sorting out and processing your feelings you will feel much better and you will start to feel like you are rediscovering yourself after becoming a mom.
Make sure to take care of yourself and practice self-care daily.
If you are a new mom, lower your standards and forget about a clean house and how you look. Just make sure you and baby are happy and the rest can wait.
Remember, “Somethings got to give.” If you try to do everything, you will end up feeling burned out and stresses. So go ahead, I’m giving you permission to let go of some things.
Buy some hats and remember the saying “messy hair, don’t care!”
Seek help from your spouse so you can enjoy parts of your life again. Grab a coffee with friends or call a supportive family member.
Know that you are worth every day and deserve self-care.
Yes, the baby is VERY important, but So are you. And think about how a baby would want the mom to feel about herself. Of course, your child would want you to be happy.
So set a goal for yourself to do something you love every day and practice one form of self-care daily.
Small habits can make big changes. Read. Write. Walk. Talk. You can find things you enjoy, even small things, to bring yourself joy.
Try keeping a gratitude journal by your bed and start and end each day with gratitude.
Get enough sleep and water and move your body too!
How to Rediscover Yourself As a Mother Final Thoughts…
If you are feeling lost and “not like yourself” after motherhood, it is possible to get back to the old you. Make sure to take care of yourself, practice gratitude often, and set goals for who you want to be.
Practice self-care daily and make sure to get enough sleep, exercise, and water. Hang out with uplifting friends and call a friend to vent when need. After this major life change, you can find the best version of you, mama, and remember to take care!
What have you done to help find yourself again after motherhood? Leave us a comment so we can all learn from you.
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