Signs you are a people pleaser and how to stop being a people pleaser
I used to be a people-pleaser. In fact, I am a recovering people-pleaser. The truth is, I have always wanted everyone to like me, but that wasn’t always the case. I am not sure why I cared so much, but I would bend over backward to try and appease everyone else.
What’s Wrong With Being a People Pleaser?
Guess what happened with my people-pleasing ways? I felt overwhelmed, stressed out, and started snapping at the people that are really the most important to me. I started to feel terrible on the inside. Why was I being so nice to everyone else, to the detriment of my family?
According to Psychology Today, being a people pleaser shows a deep seeding root of the fear of rejections.
After researching and reading many personal development books over the years, I started to realized these attributes about myself and had my “aha” moment.
What I really needed to do was to stop caring so much about what others thought of me and start taking care of myself.
Yes, it is true I still like to make others happy, but now I make myself happy too and the best part is, it only takes a few minutes per day to make myself and my soul feel nourished.
Let’s face it…If you are a people-pleaser, you are constantly putting yourself last. Eventually, you will feel resentful and unhappy. You will not be fulfilled always putting others first, mama and you must find time your self-care and self-love before always pleasing others. Therefore, you need to fill your cup too, in order to really enjoy life.
6 Signs you are a People Pleaser
Do you suspect you are a people pleaser? Do you often feel taken advantage of by others?
Being a people pleaser is something we learn very early in life. We often learn to make others happy is a good thing. And sometimes it is. There are many things we can do for others that actually make us feel good about ourselves. However, being a people pleaser can make you feel burned out, angry, and resentful.
So there is a fine line and what we do for others to make us happy and feeling burned out or taken advantage of. In fact, everything in life is a balancing act and chances are if you are reading this article, you are feeling off-balance.
The six tips below will help you understand more if you are a people pleaser. You can also find out how to stop being a people pleaser.
#1 Can’t say no
Do you consider yourself a “yes” person? Do you find it hard to tell others “no” when they ask for your help or need you to volunteer?
You see, volunteering isn’t the bad thing here. The bad thing is you can’t say no so you are not happy about volunteering. I have found myself in these situations and I am irritated that I am doing the work. Yet, if you want to help or volunteer you should be happy about it.
In terms of energy, if you are feeling deprived, you should consider that you may not be the best person for the job. By saying “no” you are actually helping the universe find the right person for the job so you can take care of you.
Another portion of the balance in saying no, is asking yourself if you continually do things for a friend, but when you need them to help you they are nowhere to be found, this is a sign you should be saying no to that person.
I have a friend that asks me to babysit a few times a year. I love helping her out because I know she would do the same for me in an instant.
Yet, I have another acquaintance that asks me to babysit but will only return the favor if she gets something out of it. I have learned I need to say “no: to the second person. As I mentioned, I am happy to help the first friend anytime.
Ask yourself, if you needed help, would that person do the same for you?
#2 Always feeling Stressed
Do you often feel your stress level rising when someone asks you to do something? Maybe your schedule is overflowing with things you must do for others, but you aren’t taking enough time for the things you really want to do in life.
This is a sign you need to take some time off and clear your schedule. Make a list of things you want to accomplish and for the next two weeks telling everyone you are busy. Schedule no plans except the plans you make for yourself. Then make a habit of doing this at least one week each month.
You will notice your stress levels going down because you are able to concentrate on things you want and need to do.
#3 Feeling of Overwhelm
Do you feel overworked? Are your co-workers or family constantly asking you to do things for them?
This is a sign you need to prioritize. You can polity tell them you have a lot going on right now and if you take on this job, it will be at the bottom of your “To do” list so it is best to not commit until you can fully commit.
Do you notice a feeling of resentment? Many times we do not realize we feel resentful. It comes out in other ways. Are you snapping at your kids or husband? You may be feeling resentful.
Are you constantly irritated? You may be feeling resentful. In order for these resentful feelings to go away, it is best to tackle the source of the problem head-on. Sit down with the person that is hurting your feelings or making you feel this way and have a conversation.
If you are often overworked and underappreciated you are definitely going to have some resentment creeping upon you and this is not a healthy way to live.
#5 Feeling busy but never getting anything for yourself done
If you are always busy but you need to go to the doctor or exercise, but just can’t fit it in, you need to take some time to yourself. Find a schedule that works for you and make it your day. Maybe Monday is your day. Only schedule things for you on that day.
Make a date with yourself to take a walk and get some exercise or get that physical or dental appointment taken care of that you have been putting off.
#6 Wishing you had your happy friend’s life
If you are often wishing for someone else’s life, it is time to stop. If you don’t like the way your life is going, you need to make some changes and the changes start with you. Make a deal with yourself to only commit to one extra task per week and stick to it.
Are you a People Pleaser Final Thoughts…
Being a people pleaser just so others like you and are not mad at you is something you learned early in life. However, it is never too late to change. Take it from a recovering people pleaser…It will be better for you and your family if you are less-stressed, less-resentful, and overall a happier person. Take small steps to start letting go of your people-pleasing ways and your life will be better. The people around you will start to take notice and you will notice a change in attitude towards you.